I have just arrived

Another poem to share. This is based on a dream I had about my grandfather, who has alzheimers, and who I love very much.


Patients dream of me in
Other lives, a look here
A touch there,
It lets them know its me.
This isn’t the only place I belong to.

Old man you sit
Rocking chair supporting wrinkled hands,
Blue veins, bones all but breaking
Through your thin skin.
You are counting down the days
And I have just arrived.

Gravel path in the woods,
Hansel once led Gretel to you
But in your madness you brushed
Them off as stories.
Sunlight dips beneath the tree tops
Casting you in a strange orange glow
As if you were burning from within.

Old man
I have just arrived.
One day bleeds into the next.
Always I am arriving,
I am leaving,
And nothing I do will keep you from aging,
From dying.

Rotting wood and peeling paint
Form the backdrop for your
Bloodshot eyes, tired smile,
Creaking joints.
You rock back and forth.
You look me in the eyes.
You hate it when I leave.

I have just arrived
Black scarf covering my head
In this biting wind.
I do not wonder why you don’t
Look up from your lap when I touch you,
Do not wonder at the coldness
Already setting in.

It is early morning
And the birds greet the day.
It is morning in the woods, dead leaves blowing
Past us, scent of decay
In the earth.
I have just arrived,
And you did not wait for me.
Old man I am left
With sorrow black as thunder,
Heavy as the clouds.
Tell the others hello.
Tell them it’s early here,
Its cold,
And that I have just arrived.

It was here

It was here
In this silent morning
This cold kitchen
That I found god

How many nights did I suffer
Alone
How many moments
Did I doubt my reason for being here

I hit the bottom
Softly
No one knew but me
No one saw
How quickly the ground
Collapsed beneath me

I saw
And I felt it
And my anguish
Almost swallowed us all

But last night was different

I stood still
As the sun rose
Stood still
As the sky grew lighter
Stood still
As all my doubts dropped
Like broken glass onto the floor

There comes a moment
So subtle
When we can go no further
When hope is all but gone
When we alone
Afraid
At last surrender

And in this moment
We are transformed


The stillness no longer suffocates
The quiet no longer deafens

But instead we fracture
Into larger pieces of truth
Exploding in all directions

And when we are done expanding
When we have finished sleeping
Within the womb of the universe
We collapse back into
This fragile body
This beating heart