A thousand arms of compassion

    A meditation on the thousand arms of compassion tonight. I have been trying to open my heart to more divine love and a little less fierce protective energy, now that I feel I have integrated from it what I needed. It felt like a slow start to the meditation, what I see now though is the difference between gentleness and fierceness. Fierce energy comes on just as it sounds, while the compassionate love is like boiling water, a gentle rolling that eventually takes over but never quite announces its arrival.
     Images of white feathers falling gently in my heart, covering it in grace and silence, a presence of something so loving and gentle that it almost isn't there. This compassion for all things, for life itself, for the very duality that most of us cannot escape. Compassion for a life so difficult, for dichotomies seemingly unresolvable, for the sorrow that awaits us in every moment. Compassion for this earth, this body, these emotions and thoughts, for the fact that its just so very hard to sometimes simply exist. Such a gentle love, a flow of heart that seeps into every corner of everything, into the corners of my soul that is both worn down and ever strong. A falling of snow that blankets the landscape in silence, in wonder, in soft comfort. This is what I felt tonight, this soothing love that is inescapable, yet often seems like lightyears away. It's always there, but like the falling snow, it never makes itself known unless we look outside to see what the silence is really about.

Meditations on the future

As the fierceness of the last few years fades in my meditations, I notice a new sense of peace, of serenity. For so long I had to fight, had to survive through trauma, that the fierce protective energy, the ability to cut through bullshit and stand strong was necessary, if a bit rough around the edges. I have integrated it into my soul now, can access it on command, that perhaps the time has come for something else.

 A face smiling at me from behind closed eyes, soft, feminine, loving. Butterflies landing all over me, gentle, guiding, tiny wings flapping to the same rhythm that my energy activates itself. The feeling that these butterflies are creations of pre-creation, that with intent and focus they can take flight and become whatever I intend them to become. I grapple with the pre-creation energy, that dark void that is both empty and vibrant. Perhaps these winged creatures give me a visual of what it might be like to create matter from pre-matter, to make something out of the void.

 Body parts float before me, a piece from the left, another from the right, and somehow they merge into something new. A vague sense of creation, again, of making matter from things that already exist, but making something not made before. Instructions forgotten, voices fading, and the meditation comes to a close. I am left with questions, images, and the never ending yearning. But mostly I am left with quiet, with love, with peace. Perhaps my fierce buddhist protectors still linger, but I am happy to let them take a break and open my heart to the overwhelming grace of pure spirit.