Meditations on the future

As the fierceness of the last few years fades in my meditations, I notice a new sense of peace, of serenity. For so long I had to fight, had to survive through trauma, that the fierce protective energy, the ability to cut through bullshit and stand strong was necessary, if a bit rough around the edges. I have integrated it into my soul now, can access it on command, that perhaps the time has come for something else.

 A face smiling at me from behind closed eyes, soft, feminine, loving. Butterflies landing all over me, gentle, guiding, tiny wings flapping to the same rhythm that my energy activates itself. The feeling that these butterflies are creations of pre-creation, that with intent and focus they can take flight and become whatever I intend them to become. I grapple with the pre-creation energy, that dark void that is both empty and vibrant. Perhaps these winged creatures give me a visual of what it might be like to create matter from pre-matter, to make something out of the void.

 Body parts float before me, a piece from the left, another from the right, and somehow they merge into something new. A vague sense of creation, again, of making matter from things that already exist, but making something not made before. Instructions forgotten, voices fading, and the meditation comes to a close. I am left with questions, images, and the never ending yearning. But mostly I am left with quiet, with love, with peace. Perhaps my fierce buddhist protectors still linger, but I am happy to let them take a break and open my heart to the overwhelming grace of pure spirit.