How life changes when the heart is the boss, instead of our head. This is one of the main things I have been striving towards of late, of listening to the heart, of letting it guide me down this subtle path. It's often hard to hear because other things drown it out: fear, worry, anxiety, grief, and daily distractions. In fact sometimes its so quiet I think that its gone and left me.
So how do I know when its speaking? I know I am truly listening to my heart, and not what my head thinks my heart is feeling, when the decisions and the thoughts are pure. By pure, I mean there is no coloring on the edges, no darkening or tearing like there would be in an old photo or a crumbled piece of paper. When the heart speaks, its voice is clear, and pure, and full of compassion. There is no ulterior motive except love, there is no wanting in it except love, there is no gain except giving and receiving love.
I have been trying to listen, and the results are remarkable. It has made dating an entirely new experience to me, and that is probably why I am still single. There is no more need to save someone, no more desire for someone to take care of me, no more selfish motives to get the validation I can now give myself. In fact, I have turned down a few men recently because I knew my reasons to date them were not true. My heart was not enamored, no matter how great they looked on paper.
Funny things start to happen when the heart leads. People you thought would be perfect fade quickly from your sight, and people you never really noticed come crashing through the front door. My reasons for living are different, my motives for being here are stronger, and are less about me.
And when the night grows darker and loneliness lurks in the shadows, I give my heart to the one thing it truly craves, which is communion with god. In the hands of the infinite I learn about love, and trust, and I realize that no one else will ever supply my heart with the grace it gets from that.
So lead the way heart. Lead me into the silent arms of the world, where I can rest my eyes and nurture my soul.
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Ugh, how frustrating. I know I commented on a few of your posts again. I keep forgetting to scroll to the bottom after I hit post comment and fill in the word verification. I'm not ignoring you! I'll try to remember what I said and post it again tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what it would be like to listen to my heart. I'm led by my heart and reason so often. I'm not even sure I could let me heart lead or what would happen if I did. I'd like to try.
ReplyDeleteThe few times I really let it lead, its pretty amazing. But its so easy to get confused by the head interjecting, or by doubt. It's all a work in progress.
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