2009 was quite the year. My divorce finally came through, I ended a serious relationship, I started school for a new career, I got really into photography, and after years of wanting to do so, I took up ballroom dancing.
There were a lot of lows, and a lot of highs. The biggest lessons came in difficult forms, but I feel like I have grown a lot as a person, and have let go of a lot of baggage.
My biggest lesson is that no one out there is going to dig me out of the holes I have dug, so its time to rely on me, and only me. My friends are great, as is my family, but they can't fix the things I feel need fixing within me. I have learned that if I can't make myself happy, no one else will be able to. I have learned that things I thought were weaknesses can be turned into strengths, and that laziness isn't an option anymore.
I have also learned that the past can hold a noose around your neck, so that any movement feels like a death sentence. But, once you recognize the noose, once you see it for what it really is, it becomes amazingly simple to remove it. So, I can now move in directions that I thought were out of reach.
I owe some big thanks to my father, my grandmother, my sister, my best friend, and my nashville friends. Without their support I would be a simmering mess in the corner of the living room. I also owe big thanks to the rinpoche who showed me kindness, and taught me that I am not crazy.
While I am thrilled to see the year is over, I also hold it close. 2009 was the year where I looked myself in the eyes, and finally, am learning to like what I see.
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You learned some big things this year! I wonder if we ever fully learn them, or if we are fated to keep re-learning them over and over. I hope for you the lesson is over. I know I'm still learning. It seems like you are more secure in who you are now.
ReplyDeleteI think its a constant loop of learning the big lessons, but that we delve deeper each time. I do feel a lot more secure in who I am, like I can stop apologizing so much, but also admit the areas I need to work on.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up certainly has its advantages. Too bad the wrinkles and droopiness also comes with it!
Our true selves exist whether we acknowledge them or not, often buried
ReplyDeleteunder fears and learned behavior. When we recognize our power, our
luminosity, and our divinity, we cannot help but live authentic lives
of appreciation, potential, fulfillment, and grace. .... from Daily OM today